['Oh...' His hand grip did change with that, moving to actually hold her hand and give it a squeeze rather than just letting them lie palm to palm. He knew loss far too well, but not the idea of losing a child. There was no pity towards Rogue about it, but certainly more than enough empathy for what she had gone through.] Can ya even 'magine a codename for someone usin' it for 'evil'. Mr Sad, the Gloomy Doom Bringer. [Yes, he couldn't help it, he wanted to wipe that moment of sadness from her mind by hiding it behind silly jokes.] Captain Moodswings.
[It worked, more or less. The pain ebbed and the warmth returned, appreciative and wryly amused. She shook her head at him.] If the next thing out of your mouth has ta do with the menstrual cycle, you are gonna have a very uncomfortable night.
[She knew he wouldn't, though. Remy 'didn't make jokes that hurt' other people or put them down. It just wasn't who he was.]
[That got a laugh out of him, instantly chasing away any bad thoughts or his own painful memories, leaning his head back against the tree as it eventually trailed off into a sigh.] Ok cherie, ya gotta give me some leeway if ya plannin' to make more jokes like that, 'cause I hold no responsibility for where m' brain will take them. [Although despite his words, in this case it didn't, instead settling into a happiness of how well they worked together and could get on.
It was certainly a change from their first few meetings, a brief flash of when the X-Men first ran across the Acolytes coming to mind before it was brushed aside.]
[Remy turned to glance at her, raising his brows.] Saw what? [Then pausing to think and...] That memory of mine? [That scene instantly flashing back to mind, and in particular their first run in. The fact he had spotted her trying to sneak off in the first place, tracking her down to keep an eye on her and make sure she wasn't going to flank them... giving her that charged card.
In hindsight Remy felt bad about that, it had been mean, and he was very pleased she was able to throw it away before it exploded.]
[It was interesting to see it from his perspective, if ever so briefly. Rogue knew that she was dangerous, knew that when she set her mind to something in the field it usually got done, but watching the way Remy had watched her then was... something. She felt his wicked amusement that he'd managed to 'disarm' her so easily, and he'd thought she was a threat... Well, fool her once.
'It had been mean. But we weren't exactly friends at the time'...]
Yeah, ya pourin' out of that giant metal ball. Gotta be a metaphor for insecurity there, if ya look hard enough...
[But her memories of that day surfaced as well, the fear for her teammates and for herself that she always felt in those situations, tempered down and focused with the determination to not let anything bad happen if she could help it... but she couldn't help it, that day had been a disaster and Area 51 had been terrifying. The cages, the scientists, Logan spread out like that and not being able to do a thing to help...]
[Oh, well... that certainly keep his mood low. He wasn't proud of what he did that day, not with what happened to the X-Men and Brotherhood. While Remy had no clue what Mags had planned, it didn't change he had been part of it, and thus partly responsible for the team getting caught. If he had known... well, even if he did he wasn't sure he would had done it different. Honestly... he was scared of Magneto, both of the man's powers but also what he had on Remy, what he could had used against him if he didn't work for him. It once again came down to his own skin versus others, and that always left a bad taste in his mouth, but at least he was still alive to feel such a thing. Survival, it came down to survival.
'Wish I could take it back.'
Yet on the outside he kept up her joking manner, a contrast to his thoughts.] Oh mon Dieu! I hated those things. Ya have 'ny clue how uncomfortable those were? Couldn't stand up in them while they were movin', couldn't really sit in them without hurtin' ya back 'cause they all curved 'nside. Was bad by all accounts.
[While Rogue couldn't pick up on all that Remy was thinking, she did get those feelings of guilt and self-disgust, she got that he wanted to take it back and her heart went out to him. Sure, she'd been mad at him. In fact, seeing him at the school she'd 'wanted to punch his smug face in', but none of that really signified. The now signified.
The feeling he'd get back from her wouldn't be one of pity, or forgiveness, or anything quite so simple. It was acceptance, and that was all. Simple security. That had happened and now it was over and this was where he was now.
'Ain't one of us that haven't done things we wish we could take back.' Simple. True. She kept holding his hand.]
I got more'n a clue how uncomfortable they were. 'least ya were ridin' in them of your own free will. I swear I nearly gave myself a concussion tryin' ta get out of one after Buckethead had his whole Mutant Survivor with Mandatory Mind Wipin' thing.
['I've gotten punched for a lot less in the past.' Though her own thoughts did help sooth his own darker mood, pushing it to the edges far enough that they would soon be out of mind.]
Ah yeah, forgot that ya got wrapped up in all that merde. That sounded like it was real fun.
His idea of a prize was ta advance our mutation an' make us into perfect soldiers.
[Pure disgust in her voice.] The people he hates most would've been proud of that plan.
[A brief thought of the horrors Magneto experienced as a child before she was distracted by thinking of what her mutation would have been like if she'd been forcibly 'evolved'. Mystique had grown stronger, able to even mask her scent... if she had passed through it, what would have happened to her? If she touched someone, would it have hurt them worse? Killed them, maybe? ...or would she have gained control?
The hunger for control almost took over her thoughts completely then, a visceral starvation that had her momentarily tightening her fingers against his.]
Heard that before. [A brief flash of a face passes through his thoughts before it is very quickly shoved to the side; a white face with pure red eyes and a red diamond on the figure's forehead. There was a lingering cloud of emotion around it, hate and gut-wrenching fear before it began to evaporate away to the same place the face went to.
Remy's hand tightened against hers again, holding strong as they both rode through those mix of negative thoughts and emotions. 'Some things aren't worth the risk.'] Yeah, don't think he really thought that plan through.
[Rogue jolted a little at the intensity of that feeling from him. It reminded her of when she'd been inside his mind. She gave him a concerned look as she remembered that room - the surgical bed the odd compulsion to remain in it despite her hatred of those sorts of things.
His hand was hot against hers, not enough to burn, but enough to be uncomfortable as she looked at him.] You alright?
Yet as he answered Remy felt a touch of those thoughts from her filter through. More a haze of a memory than the real thing, of those 'rooms' they had created. He didn't remember any of them too well, only parts of them, his own and others.] Ya remember what ya saw in m' room, dream thing, whatever it was?
[She didn't have words to respond to that, more -- a steady assurance. Rogue was so used to going where she wasn't supposed to, to seeing more of others than they would want her to see. She didn't want to force this on him, but if he was offering... well, that was a little scary, but they were friends and she did trust him, it was just always a little jarring for her when that trust was returned. There was nothing she could see, the steady assurance seemed to indicate, that would make her drop his hand.
Her thoughts shifted as he spoke, and he may receive flashes of a picture - his own face, bloodied, half masked in that joker mask, his bedroom, the darkness beyond...] A little bit. Bits an' pieces, I guess? Some parts more'n others.
[Oh, that mask... that.] Huh, seems I really like that mask, non? [The fact he had worn one almost identical to it to the smog-planet ball, without realizing he had been copying himself.]
Sorry ya had to see some of that. [And a little sorry for himself that she had seen it. That was a nasty part of his mind, full of all the negative emotions he shoved away and ignored existed, all those bad memories that would tear him apart if he let them loose. And he let her go there... poor girl, she had enough issues without seeing that side of him.
[What the heck was he beating himself up about this for?]
Ya don't need ta be 'sorry'. [She turned her head to look at him, her brow furrowed.] Anythin' I ever got into with ya, I volunteered for.
[Then her lips twisted wryly as a quick memory flashed through her, the unfairness of it, his arm around her shoulders and the acrid scent of knock-out gas.] Well, barrin' one thing. I signed on board ta be your friend an' I meant it.
['And that meant sharing the dark and awful places' (a flash of her weeping over Anja) 'as well as the light' (the two of them bantering back and forth as they walked)]
[His hand tightened against hers again, a wash of wanting to reassure her or offer some comfort flooding between the link. That, that was a horrible part of her life, to lose Anja, it felt stronger than what he went through. Losing a child was so much more than what he went through.
Yet Remy had to smile at that scene, of his little 'road trip' down home with her.] Ya sayin' that's not the right way to approach the femmes?
[An amused huff.] Ain't the right way ta approach anyone 'cept a rabid dog.
['So very unfair.' There wasn't a thing about what he'd done to her then that was fair, but then (she glanced down at their hands), they hadn't had this.]
['I know, I know.' He really did, he had had more than enough time to think it over.] There's a joke in there 'bout dogs 'nd bitch, but since I'm in punch reach for ya, I ain't sayin' it.
[Yet Remy's own thoughts turned back to those dreams they had been stuck in, lingering on his own for a moment before it filtered to those brief memories of her own. Her guitar, that wonderful lamp and the emotions the memories it connected to it... that kiss.]
[Rogue raised an eyebrow at him.] ...probably wise.
[She was distracted from making a wittier comment by hiss flash of memories. Why the heck was he thinking about that?
She shifted to face him, her brow furrowed.] Remy... what's goin' on in that head of yours?
[A dangerous question, but he DID say he didn't want to get punched.
She vividly remembered that kiss, but that had been another time... very nearly another him. Why on earth would he be thinking of that right now? Her own mind flashed to the vivid memories of hiding in that ditch, as well as several scenes of their very different friendship, including when they'd yelled at each other in the bar that one night, focusing on a feeling of confusion.]
[Remy was certainly not use to having someone in his head, to see how his thoughts could flit around between stuff at random unless they were focused on a goal, so as she mentions this those thoughts are instantly pushed aside and hidden again.] Sorry, was just thinkin' of all that dream stuff again, 'nd got me thinkin' 'bout what I remembered from ya's. [But despite best intentions, the memory of that kiss was still there.]
Got two from ya I don't remember m'self now. [He was trying to joke, trying to make it all funny, but there was something darker lingering in the corners of his mind around it. Yet even then there was a more dominating feeling, a weird settled comfort that existed around her, even when they fought or got in each other's hair or on each other's nerves. It was still a friendship, it didn't change that, even if things felt a little rough at times.]
[Rogue was still focused on trying to figure out what was going on with him. She was - happily, she thought - taken. She'd never picked up the slightest hint of anything even like a leer from Remy, even before they were friends, other than the joking flirtation he bestowed with the same immunity of intention as a rain cloud. It wasn't as though he was as parched for contact as she was; she remembered such things vividly, any step out of her normally isolated existence was highlighted in neon colors. He had no particular reason (other than to tease her) to be wanting to remember a kiss from her, what was one drop of water in a sea?
So what was the deal with the dark feeling around his memory of, well, her memory of their kiss? Why would he be feeling dark about that at all? Her voice was a little contemplative.] Ain't like I much remember the first one either. S'all a blur. [Mind control was a bitch.] That other one... [he? you?] we thought we were gonna die.
[No, she wasn't going to let this go. Most of her mind was focused on him and on his reaction, but he may pick up her remembered terror, her desperate gambit, her desire to not go out like that.]
Yeah, been there. [He had been a victim of Mesmero's powers as well, forced to steal for him, until Mags caught wind of it and put it to an end.
Remy nodded his head as she spoke, a though flashing through his mind to throw a smile on, try and diffuse the situation, but the instant it did he knew it wouldn't work. Not with her, she knew his fake smiles and didn't appreciate them, not in such serious times. This was just all... very unsettling.] Ain't a bad way to go out, cherie, well, gettin' chance for a kiss, not so much the rest of it all. [Remy's rather glad he missed that enlisting, the one he had been forced on had been bad enough. Though killing zombies did seem a better contrast to killing cultists, being already dead did take away the guilt of it all.
Her own echos of fear, desperation was tough to swallow, all too easy to sympathize with it. It also didn't help that darkened mood Remy was trying to ignore, trying not to think about words Kitty had mentioned. About how 'he' had failed at another relationship, that he hadn't been enough in that world either. It played on his insecurities, stuff he ignored where there, hide from everyone, even himself. Yep, nope, totally not thinking that... oh, hm. This mind joining thing was hard.]
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[She knew he wouldn't, though. Remy 'didn't make jokes that hurt' other people or put them down. It just wasn't who he was.]
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It was certainly a change from their first few meetings, a brief flash of when the X-Men first ran across the Acolytes coming to mind before it was brushed aside.]
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[Did that mean their connection was getting stronger?
...though of course, she hadn't exactly been CLEAR about what she'd almost seen.]
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In hindsight Remy felt bad about that, it had been mean, and he was very pleased she was able to throw it away before it exploded.]
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'It had been mean. But we weren't exactly friends at the time'...]
Yeah, ya pourin' out of that giant metal ball. Gotta be a metaphor for insecurity there, if ya look hard enough...
[But her memories of that day surfaced as well, the fear for her teammates and for herself that she always felt in those situations, tempered down and focused with the determination to not let anything bad happen if she could help it... but she couldn't help it, that day had been a disaster and Area 51 had been terrifying. The cages, the scientists, Logan spread out like that and not being able to do a thing to help...]
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'Wish I could take it back.'
Yet on the outside he kept up her joking manner, a contrast to his thoughts.] Oh mon Dieu! I hated those things. Ya have 'ny clue how uncomfortable those were? Couldn't stand up in them while they were movin', couldn't really sit in them without hurtin' ya back 'cause they all curved 'nside. Was bad by all accounts.
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The feeling he'd get back from her wouldn't be one of pity, or forgiveness, or anything quite so simple. It was acceptance, and that was all. Simple security. That had happened and now it was over and this was where he was now.
'Ain't one of us that haven't done things we wish we could take back.' Simple. True. She kept holding his hand.]
I got more'n a clue how uncomfortable they were. 'least ya were ridin' in them of your own free will. I swear I nearly gave myself a concussion tryin' ta get out of one after Buckethead had his whole Mutant Survivor with Mandatory Mind Wipin' thing.
[Definite disgust towards those 'mutant games'.]
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Ah yeah, forgot that ya got wrapped up in all that merde. That sounded like it was real fun.
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[Pure disgust in her voice.] The people he hates most would've been proud of that plan.
[A brief thought of the horrors Magneto experienced as a child before she was distracted by thinking of what her mutation would have been like if she'd been forcibly 'evolved'. Mystique had grown stronger, able to even mask her scent... if she had passed through it, what would have happened to her? If she touched someone, would it have hurt them worse? Killed them, maybe? ...or would she have gained control?
The hunger for control almost took over her thoughts completely then, a visceral starvation that had her momentarily tightening her fingers against his.]
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Remy's hand tightened against hers again, holding strong as they both rode through those mix of negative thoughts and emotions. 'Some things aren't worth the risk.'] Yeah, don't think he really thought that plan through.
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His hand was hot against hers, not enough to burn, but enough to be uncomfortable as she looked at him.] You alright?
['You wanna stop?']
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Yet as he answered Remy felt a touch of those thoughts from her filter through. More a haze of a memory than the real thing, of those 'rooms' they had created. He didn't remember any of them too well, only parts of them, his own and others.] Ya remember what ya saw in m' room, dream thing, whatever it was?
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Her thoughts shifted as he spoke, and he may receive flashes of a picture - his own face, bloodied, half masked in that joker mask, his bedroom, the darkness beyond...] A little bit. Bits an' pieces, I guess? Some parts more'n others.
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Sorry ya had to see some of that. [And a little sorry for himself that she had seen it. That was a nasty part of his mind, full of all the negative emotions he shoved away and ignored existed, all those bad memories that would tear him apart if he let them loose. And he let her go there... poor girl, she had enough issues without seeing that side of him.
'Sorry'.]
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Ya don't need ta be 'sorry'. [She turned her head to look at him, her brow furrowed.] Anythin' I ever got into with ya, I volunteered for.
[Then her lips twisted wryly as a quick memory flashed through her, the unfairness of it, his arm around her shoulders and the acrid scent of knock-out gas.] Well, barrin' one thing. I signed on board ta be your friend an' I meant it.
['And that meant sharing the dark and awful places' (a flash of her weeping over Anja) 'as well as the light' (the two of them bantering back and forth as they walked)]
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Yet Remy had to smile at that scene, of his little 'road trip' down home with her.] Ya sayin' that's not the right way to approach the femmes?
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['So very unfair.' There wasn't a thing about what he'd done to her then that was fair, but then (she glanced down at their hands), they hadn't had this.]
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[Yet Remy's own thoughts turned back to those dreams they had been stuck in, lingering on his own for a moment before it filtered to those brief memories of her own. Her guitar, that wonderful lamp and the emotions the memories it connected to it... that kiss.]
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[She was distracted from making a wittier comment by hiss flash of memories. Why the heck was he thinking about that?
She shifted to face him, her brow furrowed.] Remy... what's goin' on in that head of yours?
[A dangerous question, but he DID say he didn't want to get punched.
She vividly remembered that kiss, but that had been another time... very nearly another him. Why on earth would he be thinking of that right now? Her own mind flashed to the vivid memories of hiding in that ditch, as well as several scenes of their very different friendship, including when they'd yelled at each other in the bar that one night, focusing on a feeling of confusion.]
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Got two from ya I don't remember m'self now. [He was trying to joke, trying to make it all funny, but there was something darker lingering in the corners of his mind around it. Yet even then there was a more dominating feeling, a weird settled comfort that existed around her, even when they fought or got in each other's hair or on each other's nerves. It was still a friendship, it didn't change that, even if things felt a little rough at times.]
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So what was the deal with the dark feeling around his memory of, well, her memory of their kiss? Why would he be feeling dark about that at all? Her voice was a little contemplative.] Ain't like I much remember the first one either. S'all a blur. [Mind control was a bitch.] That other one... [he? you?] we thought we were gonna die.
[No, she wasn't going to let this go. Most of her mind was focused on him and on his reaction, but he may pick up her remembered terror, her desperate gambit, her desire to not go out like that.]
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Remy nodded his head as she spoke, a though flashing through his mind to throw a smile on, try and diffuse the situation, but the instant it did he knew it wouldn't work. Not with her, she knew his fake smiles and didn't appreciate them, not in such serious times. This was just all... very unsettling.] Ain't a bad way to go out, cherie, well, gettin' chance for a kiss, not so much the rest of it all. [Remy's rather glad he missed that enlisting, the one he had been forced on had been bad enough. Though killing zombies did seem a better contrast to killing cultists, being already dead did take away the guilt of it all.
Her own echos of fear, desperation was tough to swallow, all too easy to sympathize with it. It also didn't help that darkened mood Remy was trying to ignore, trying not to think about words Kitty had mentioned. About how 'he' had failed at another relationship, that he hadn't been enough in that world either. It played on his insecurities, stuff he ignored where there, hide from everyone, even himself. Yep, nope, totally not thinking that... oh, hm. This mind joining thing was hard.]